I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
