she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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