He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
