Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
