I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
