she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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