Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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