So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
