so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize