she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
