you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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