Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
