I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
