Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
