Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
