the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
