so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
