Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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