You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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