i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
