R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
