This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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