at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
