The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize