Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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