i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
