i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
organizing the empties. That sober.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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