Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
