oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
