Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
