her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize