would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
