if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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