So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
