i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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