Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize