Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
