I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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