it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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