Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
