dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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