had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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