He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
