bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize