Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize