Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
