Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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