I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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