you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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