Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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