I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
