Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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