Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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