Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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