Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
