and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
