If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
