I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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