Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
