stop calling my apartment porn island.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
