I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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