My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
