new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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