You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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