Just fell off a train. Bad.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I could make wine with my vomit
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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