This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
