Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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