She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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