Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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