Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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