I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize